Brain Games

Starting weight: 286
Current weight: 279
Goal weight: 135
Pounds to go: 144

Can I just say "WHOA."

You know sometimes there are things in your life that you just know about, things that are just truth and you don't think that you take them for granted, but you don't realize how powerful they are? That might be a poor explanation, but the outpouring of pure love and encouragement I got last week was just overwhelming. I knew that people would be supportive, but I guess I just didn't realize how much it would mean to me. It brought tears to my eyes with each new email and comment and phone call and conversation that I received from the people I love and cherish the most. So thank you for believing in me! I will most definitely have days where I need it more than others, and to know I have that to lean on in hard times is beyond words. I am so, so, SO deeply blessed.

Other news: I hit my first five pound mark! You get a little star sticker for you log each time you lose 5 pounds, so that was fun. Everybody at the meeting claps for you. I know it's not a huge deal, and it will be the first of many 5 pound stars, but it brought up something I am definitely working on in myself. Like I said in my last post, it is super hard for me to talk about this part of my life. I had been in WW for 2 weeks before I wrote my first post and shared with all of you. Even still, there are close friends that I haven't shared with because I just really don't like talking about my weight. 
Getting that star made me blush. And I sat there thinking to myself "all of these people are here for the exact same reason I am! Why am I embarrassed in front of them?" For someone who is labeled an extrovert by many, I am very unsure of myself. I have been very good at editing my life and only showing people what I want them to see. I know that we all do that to a certain extent, but I was doing it so well and so often that there were whole segments of my life that different people knew nothing of.
In many regards, I know I am an over-analyzer. I don't like not being able to account for everything ahead of time, like who will all the guests be at a party, what am I going to buy at the store, how does this look to a stranger... Those sort of feelings make me very prone to concealing the parts of my life I don't think people would like or those that will make them see me differently than they already do.

Last week at my WW meeting, our topic of discussion was "the ripple effect." How the little changes that we are making for ourselves now will affect us or others. We heard stories from people right there in our group, of choices they had made that seemed insignificant in the moment but were really the stepping stone to something bigger. And it struck me in that moment that there were absolutely no negative stories. No on in that room regretting making the changes they had, and all of them could pin point specific turning point moments in their own weight loss journeys. Where something just clicked for them. 
One story from a lifetime member particularly hit home: She joined WW in 2006 and didn't want to tell anyone. Only her husband and kids knew. But she worked closely with a unit of 5 other people, and one day she forgot to take her WW name tag off her coat and one of her coworkers saw it. She didn't intend on telling them, or even her closest friends. But once they found out, 4 of them joined up with her. Soon, people all over their office started noticing how their whole unit was losing weight and the HR department called her in for a meeting. They had heard she was the instigator of this healthy change, and wanted to know what it would take to spread it to the whole office. She connected them to the WW people, and they started a group in the office. It eventually got so big that it had to split into THREE separate meetings. She lost 100 pounds and has still kept it off, and even though she retired 3 years ago the groups are still going. Her one choice to start WW ended up being the catalyst for literally hundreds of people to make positive life changes.
It was funny because I had just published my blog right before I went to the meeting, and it was just confirmation of how important this blog is going to be for me. I need, WANT, to learn how to be comfortable being who I am. Truly who I am. Which is why step two comes right now: after a private message with a link to this blog to my closest friends is sent out tonight, I am going to share this link on my Facebook tomorrow. TRULY put it all out there. To everyone who knows me, or thinks they do. I thought sending this link last week was scary... yikes!

I am not inclined to believe that starting WW, joining a gym and starting a blog will instantly impact hundreds of people. But I do like the notion that this isn't just about me. And you all proved me right last week with your kind words and love. So I will continue with this venture! Aside from a healthy life, who knows what it could lead to :-)