Here We Go... Again!

Starting weight: 286
Current weight: 266

Total pounds lost: 20

Well here we are again. I can’t believe that it has been (oh my gosh I didn’t actually count it out until just now…) TEN MONTHS since my last blog. Yikes!

That is the perfect example of how easy things get away and how much time can pass in the blink of an eye! Here is the fast version of the past few months:

Christmas went pretty well actually. I slacked off at the gym but did pretty well tracking wise. Then January came and I sort of fell off the wagon completely. I was just about ready to go back to the gym and then Snowpocalypse ‘14 came and it was a crazy weekend at Starbucks… punctuated by me bruising my tailbone on some ice. That put off my return to the gym for at least another 6 weeks… and by that I mean I didn’t work out OR track for 6 months.

I can’t necessarily explain what clicked off in my brain a week ago, but it was just time. I had stopped my Weight Watchers account a few weeks prior because I was paying for something I hadn’t used in so long, so I downloaded a new app called SparkPeople. It is essentially the same thing, just calories instead of points, and it is free. There are no meetings to go to, but there is a weight tracker and we have a good scale in our apartment. 

I also downloaded an app called C25k. The youth group at my church is holding a 5k in October to raise money for missionaries, and I have decided to run it. Yes, I said run. I can’t believe I am even typing those words. Me, the same person who is literally quoted in a high school yearbook as “I hate to run.” 

But it seemed like a good goal, and it happened to be 7 weeks away from last weekend, and the C25k program is designed to get you from zero running to a 5k in 8 weeks. You’re supposed to train 3 days a week, which just means that 3 weeks out of 7 I will just add an extra day of training. I am already 4 training days in and haven’t died! Maybe wheezed a little bit, but haven’t died :-)

It has been 7 days since I started eating mindfully and doing the C25k  app. I have been to the gym a record high of 5 times this week (thanks to my champion of a gym buddy and roommate, Tasha!) and I am already down 4 pounds. I am ready to pick up where I left off and do this!! I lost some of the ground I had taken, but not all of it. And it is a new day! I can do this. I WILL do this.

On a related note, the 5k I am running IS fundraiser. If you are interested in pledging money toward me and my run, let me know and I will get you more info!

And thank you to all the people who love me and encourage me even when I fail. I couldn’t do anything I do without the support system I have! I know that my weight and size are a small part of who I am, and that I am cared for no matter what I look like and I am thankful to have people who feel the same about me on my best and my worst days. Thank you thank you thank you :-)

So here we go… again!

Super!

Starting weight: 286
Current weight: 247.8
Goal weight: 135
Pounds to go: 112.8

Wahoo! For those of you counting along at home, my total weight loss is now 38.2 pounds! I had a SUPER good week last week- down 4.2! Let me tell you why it was so super.

1) I actually didn't track last week! I know, I'm as surprised as you. But it started because we were working on a big event at church last week and so the times when I was normally pausing to track got thrown off. (Or, more accurately, thrown completely out the window...) After two days of not tracking, I decided that I would just do a little experiment to see how much my habits had changed since starting this adventure 5 months ago. I felt pretty good about most of my choices, and it looks like I was right!

2) I didn't technically work out last week. I did run around and lift heavy things for a few days, but I also slept a lot on the weekend because I was just so tired from the week! And I was also trying to pre-empt a cold I felt coming on, PLUS we gained an hour. Yikes!

3) I had gained .2 pounds the week before. I know, I know, that is practically nothing. And honestly, I was fine with it. I knew ahead of my weigh in that I didn't feel like I was going to be down by a lot (or at all) and so I had made my peace with it before hand. So when she said "only up .2, not bad!" I actually agreed with her. 
A month ago, I probably would have beaten myself up about it. But part of this whole journey is not just getting healthy physically; it's about having good self-esteem and a healthy self-image too. It can be a hard line to draw sometimes, but there has to be a difference between how much the scale says and how I interpret it. As my mom would say... "put the best construction on everything!" A gain doesn't mean the whole week wasn't worth anything, and a big loss doesn't mean that it is going to be all sunshine and roses from there forward either. Seeing the good in BOTH situations is what will truly help me achieve my goal.

What I am actually more excited about than being down 4.2 in a week is this: I got a 5 pound star yesterday for passing the 35 pound mark, which is all well and good. But when my leader started announcing the awards, she said "we had a few 5 pound stars this week, but they all had to leave, so we'll just move on to bravos." In my head I went "WHAT!" She wasn't kidding either, she had forgotten my 5 pound star!
Now, if the Caitlin who started Weight Watchers 20 some weeks ago had been the one sitting there, I can say with absolute certainty that there would be no 5 pound sticker in her book yesterday, unless her leader had remembered of her own volition. I wouldn't have spoken up or raised my hand. Maybe, MAYBE I would have asked for one privately after the meeting. Again, MAYBE. I was still new to the meetings and to the program, and I would have sat there silently wishing her to remember, yet unwilling and unable to say anything.
But last night, I waited until I was pretty sure the Bravos were over because I didn't want to negate anyone else's victories. Then my hand shot up into the air! I wasn't afraid or intimidated, and I wanted that sticker! We all laughed, I got my sticker, and we moved on. But sitting there afterward, I was thinking to myself about how un-Caitlin that would have been not so long ago, and how good it felt to leave that fear behind.

I'm very much enjoying this new found confidence, and in more ways than just at WW. What's even more fun is recognizing the turning points as they come and being able to document them with you! It looks, feels, and really truly is super.

Too Funny

Starting weight: 286
Current weight: 255.6
Goal weight: 135
Pounds to go: 120.6

This is a funny story.

Last week at weight watchers, I was on my way out. We all wear name tags every meeting, and there is a little trash can on the way out of the building where you can throw them awway. As usual, I pulled mine off as I was walking out, but missed the trash can. As I bent down to pick it up, I lost my balance and started to fall forward. I caught myself with my hand like a tripod- I was safe, not going down that easy! But then I started laughing so hard that I couldn't stand back up properly and had to sort of lunge sideways to keep from actually falling down (into a display case, which would be way worse and more embarrassing!) And of course, this all went down in front of everyone on their way out. Two ladies that I know from church saw me and looked really worried, even after I started laughing. Once they realized I was really okay, they started laughing with me. My remark to them, as soon as I caught my breath back from laughing, was "I'm not going down that easy!"

I told you, funny.

But the real reason I tell you this story is because on my way out to my car, and after, I was thinking about this. It took me a month to get from my 25 pound star to my 30 pound star. I had started to get really discouraged. There was a time when I was flying past 5 pound stars every other week. I felt like I was just barely inching along, and found myself running crazy stats in my head: "at X pounds per week, it would be Y amount of weeks until I could hit my goal." I got all wrapped up in my end goal and distracted by my impatience to get there. But this is a marathon, not a sprint. That's the only way for this to be a lifelong mindset/lifestyle shift, not just a temporary success. 

After I got my mindset back on track, I crunched another set of numbers. 

Even with bad weeks and what sometimes feels like slow progress, I have still lost an average of 1.68 pounds per week! That is pretty good progress, not to mention a healthy weight loss rate. And, check out these pics. The one on the left is me one week before I joined WW. The one on the right is my two weeks ago. It is harder to see weekly progress, but when you look at the bigger picture it's pretty cool :-)

It's funny, because last week I got my 30 pound star. My leader remarked that it seemed like just yesterday I got my first 5 pound star. I said that's good, because this one felt like it took forever to get to! Just another reminder to look at the whole picture and not just a single snapshot. 

Here's to moving forward, not giving up, and being able to laugh at ourselves when we trip. 

Ups and Downs

Starting weight: 286
Current weight: 258.2
Goal weight: 135
Pounds to go: 123.2

The last few weeks have been, just as the title says, up and down. I had been having some trouble jump starting again after August, and had set myself a goal a few weeks ago to work extra hard and get down to my 10% goal. At weigh-in on the 15th, I reached it! As expected, I got a nifty little keychain. I am really proud of this addition to my keys :-)  

Why yes, that is my 25 pound award on it, thanks for noticing!

Despite an ice cream bar, despite Oktoberfest and all the fried food that comes with it, despite a handful of Doritos the night before, I not only met my goal I exceeded it! I was down 29.4 pounds. So close to 30 pounds down I can taste it. I celebrated a little.

Ok, I probably celebrated a little too much. Got a little over confident that I was back on track and hard at it! Anyway, all that to say, at my next weigh in I was up 1.6.

It was my first gain. And, just like everyone says, your gain comes on a week that you think you did pretty well. I took it strangely: I didn't weigh in at the normal time that I usually do. I was scheduled for inventory on Tuesday evening at work, and so I wasn't going to make the meeting. And, sort of selfishly, I knew I was going to have lunch with a friend that afternoon and didn't want to worry about spiking my number that night, or whatever. So I was a little shocked when I was up. At first, I was disappointed. And then I found myself thinking very little about it the rest of the day.

What I ultimately decided was that it didn't have to matter. The only way this gain had to matter is to motivate me, not discourage me. And bonus, they don't take your keychain away if you go under your 10% ;-)

Totally Serendipitous

Starting weight: 286
Current weight: 260.6
Goal weight: 135
Pounds to go: 125.6

Down another two pounds! I hit another 5 pound mark yesterday, but not just any 5 pound mark... I hit the 25 pound mark! Hard to believe. I feel like I've been doing WW for a long time and also no time at all, but it's also hard to believe that it's already September and that fall is almost here. What I didn't know about the 25 pound mark is that you get a little charm! 

I am looking forward to a lot more of these little guys in the future... especially a 100 pound one! And of course, my mind was already racing about what I could do with it... necklace, bracelet, shadow box... or keychain! I think when you hit your 10% or 20% goal you get a keychain that is designed to hold the charms, and I will be hitting my 10% goal next week if I have a really good next 7 days. And so far they are shaping up quite well!

Mostly, today's post is very little about WW. It's about confidence. 
There is a choir here in Salem called Festival Chorale Oregon, and it is directed and led by my college choir director, Dr. Solveig Holmquist. She is far and away the best director I've ever worked with, and one of the most amazing women I have ever known. I have wavered on joining for the last year, and despite my best intentions last September, I just wasn't in a place with the availability to join. But September has come again, and their first rehearsal was yesterday. I had been thinking about it and seriously was planning on attending a rehearsal, but then my mind started to get the better of me. I've been honest about my nervousness and apprehension in certain social situations (or any situation...) here, and I was definitely wrestling with that. I looked up the website like 16,000 times; double, triple and quadruple checking all the info over and over. I stopped short of looking up a campus map for the school they practice in. It would have been so easy to just not go. So I set myself a safety mechanism. I texted an old friend who I thought was still in the group to make sure I would know at least one person. "There," I thought, "someone is counting on me to be there, I have to be."
But then it started spiraling more and more into absurdity. "You haven't seen these people in over a year, they're probably going to look at you like a stranger." "Everyone is wondering how on earth you think you belong here." "You can't sing like that anymore, it's been too long."

Yeah, I know. My brain is dumb.

In reality, I was met with warm hugs from my TWO friends in the group. Everyone I met was super friendly and inviting, and aside from a few of the really high notes, I CAN still sing like that. But it didn't stop my brain from thinking about it. As I headed to my WW meeting that evening, I had moved from "seriously joining this time!" to "firmly on the fence." But thankfully, God had something planned for me that was bigger than my brain. 
Upon arriving, who should I meet coming in the line to weigh-in but Dr. Holmquist herself! We hugged, we talked, I told her how funny it was to see her on today of all days since I was thinking about coming to FCO that night and singing with her again. Seeing her, hearing her enthusiasm for my joining, and telling her that I would be there was enough to put all my fears to rest. The voices were silenced immediately and replaced with butterflies of excitement.

Suffice it to say, I went to rehearsal last night. I paid my dues, I borrowed a score from Dr. Holmquist, and I am now a Festival Chorale-er! Can't back out now. And I wouldn't dream of it either! The music is challenging and it's different from anything else I've done in the last 3 years. It's refreshing and it's fun. Plus, Solveig and I are going to be WW buddies now!

And to think, I almost missed out on all of that because I was going to let the stupid voices in my head talk me out of something amazing just because it was unknown. I could have easily done that with weight loss, but I didn't. I feel like I'm being taught over and over the value and the reward of things that I feel are risky. But what do they risk? Not my life, and certainly not the love of my friends or family. Nope, all that is at stake is my own ego. It's all at once humbling and exciting to share weight loss with people, especially the "big win" moments like 5 pound stars and 25 pound charms. Humbling because it takes a lot of willpower to talk about something that has been such a big hurdle and roadblock to me for so long, but exciting because it is such a big accomplishment for me. I have a feeling that dealing with this over-protected ego of mine will be something I'll have to battle for a long time. But just like singing, practice makes permanent, and I plan on making a permanent habit of making bold choices :-)

Oh! And let me know if you want to come to a concert. Because, seriously, it's going to be good ;-)

Hiatus Status

Starting weight: 286
Current weight: 262.4
Goal weight: 135
Pounds to go: 127.4

Hello everyone! I knew I hadn't posted much in August, but when I signed in and say "last post: August 6th" I was surprised! I guess that's what it's like when time flies, right? On August 12th, I left for Summer Camp with our youth group, and when we got back on the 15th, I literally unpacked half my stuff, re-packed some fresh clothes, and turned back around and headed off to our family camping trip 2 hours later. Crazy! Since then there has been a lot of catching up to do... on laundry, on life, on errands, and finally on my blog.

I had a few pretty major roles at camp this year, and the whole week leading up to it was pretty stressed and frazzly for me. I worked 6 of the 7 days before camp and was spending my free time running around and making sure all my ducks were in a row for the week ahead. It was the first time in this journey that I experienced a strong urge to stress eat. All I really wanted was a big bag of crunchy cheetos and pretty much anything made of bread. But I stayed strong! Stuck to veggies and turkey pepperoni (my favorite protein at the moment... 11 slices for only 1 point!) and hummus. I did splurge on some Reese's at one point late in the week, but I made sure to buy the fun size and portion them out so I didn't go over points all week.

And I was pretty pleased with how I did the week of camp/camping. I usually weigh in on Tuesday evenings, but since we were at camp I weighed in that week on Thursday afternoon. I wasn't able to track very well all week, but had premeditated that I wasn't going to worry about it. Even with all the stress of camp and not tracking all week, I still lost 1.2 pounds! I had set my mind that if I could just maintain my weight, not gain anything, I would be happy. But for all that and to still lose was pretty great! It made all that will power it took to not buy the family size bag of Cheetos SOOOOO worth it.

Since then, I have lost another .8 pounds. Since we've been back from camp, I haven't been to the gym. But I have been staying on my points plan, and have taken measures to ensure that I won't be able to brush it off or postpone it any longer this week. Summer is almost over, and I can get back to my usual routine just like everyone else. I'm looking forward to more awesome weigh-ins ahead! The next big star milestone as far as WW goes is my 10% star, which would be 28 pounds down and I hope (read: WILL!) hit in the next two weeks. Personally, I am looking forward to being at least 50 pounds down by Christmas. It feels like a crazy long ways away, but I know that time will FLY, just like it has the last couple weeks.

Thank you for your persistent support, and I look forward to sharing more and more good news with you as the weeks go by! I am thankful for each one of you!

Trial by Floret

Starting weight: 286
Current weight: 264.4
Goal weight: 135
Pounds to go: 129.4

I have had a whirlwind couple of weeks, friends. It has just been one after another thing! For those of you that don't know, I work with a youth group here in Salem. We put on our own summer camp every year, and we leave next monday! I am pretty involved, and have a lot of projects for that adventure in the works. That, plus work and normal life I didn't get to writing a post last week. BUT I will make up for it with good news... I have passed the 20 pound mark! I am 21.6 pounds down total :-) Celebration! And even better, my weigh in this week was down 3.6 pounds even after some ice cream and fish and chips when I was at the coast last week. Delightful!

In all the craziness of the last few weeks, I am proud to say that I have stayed on plan. There have been some temptations, to be sure. But I just kept asking myself: "is this worth it?" Fresh Tillamook ice cream at the cheese factory? TOTES WORTH IT. And can I just say it is so much easier when people know that I am tracking then if they don't? I would probably be stressed out of my mind by now if I had been trying to do this in secret. It just works out way better for me, personally, if everyone knows. That way it isn't awkward if I pull my phone out at dinner to check the point value of something, or pass on dessert, or whatever. I think I talked already about my feelings that people were secretly watching and judging food choices I would make, and so to have all this out in the open takes all that pressure off. I haven't felt self conscious about it even once since starting this blog. Which is good. Really, really good.

I have been trying different foods lately, half for fun and half for health. You figure out pretty quickly some nice go-to food that is high power, low point value. For me, it's turkey pepperoni with hummus, some fruit or vegetables, and sometimes cheez-its. Delish! And I don't cook very often, but sometimes a recipe comes along that you just have to try. This week, it was cauliflower pizza crust. I have seen cauliflower bread things all over pinterest, and at first thought it sounded totally awful. But the more I thought about it, the more intrigued I became. So, with the help of some friends, I tried my hand at two different recipes this weekend!
The first one was really pretty good, although I wished it was a little more cooked. The middle ended up a little soggy. But a coworker of mine who is gluten free told me about her favorite recipe, so I tried that one yesterday and let me just tell you, it was fantastic. I got the recipe from Sandy's Kitchen, a blog done by a woman following the Medifast diet. I made a few tweaks of my own, since I am not following the strict guidelines of Medifast, and between the instructions from Saturday, Monday, my own changes and some tips from my coworker, I'd like to present to you my trial-by-floret Cauliflower Pizza Crust recipe!

Cauliflower Pizza Crust

yeilds: 8 personal pizza crusts, 2 large crusts

Ingredients

• 1 head of fresh cauliflower (about 3 cups when shredded)
• 3 oz (6 Tbsp.) of low-fat ricotta
• 3 oz (6 Tbsp.) of low-fat mozzarella
• 2 eggs OR 3 egg whites
• 1 tsp. garlic powder
• 1 tsp. oregano
• 1 tsp. basil

Directions

1. Pre-heat your oven to 425 degrees.
2. Begin by "ricing" your cauliflower. AKA, grating it up until it sort of looks like small grain rice! A food processor does a really nice job quickly, but you can also do this with a manual cheese grater. Make sure and cut as much of the stem parts off as you can. The stem holds the most water, and it will make your "dough" sort of runny and less willing to stick together. When you are done, make sure there are no big chunks that escaped into your mixture. Also, if you notice a lot of moisture in your riced cauliflower, microwave it, uncovered, until it dries up a little bit.
3. Mix in eggs and cheese, stir well. Then add your seasonings! You can put whatever herbs you like in your crust, I just went with traditional Italian sorts of flavors.
4. Spread parchment paper over a cookie sheet, and begin to form your pizza crust with your dough mixture! You can make the crusts whatever size you want. And parchment paper is important because you're going to flip your crust half way through baking, so you have to be able to flip quick and not worry about the crust sticking to your pan. Using the back of a spoon, make sure to spread it pretty thin. The thinner the crust, the crispier it got. If it was even a little too thick, it ended up still tasting good, but being a tad spongy in the middle. Also, the crust isn't going to expand when it cooks, if anything it will shrink slightly. So don't worry about putting them too close together.
5. Bake at 425 for 20-25 minutes, or until golden brown. The edges might start to look burnt to you, but until they start turning black they are fine. Just remember that vegetables brown differently than bread :-)
6. Once crust is golden brown, flip it! This is where the parchment paper is really great to have. Flipping the crust will help it brown evenly and not have a soggy bottom. Which no one likes! Once flipped, place it back in over for another 10-15 minutes, or nice and browned.
7. After the crust is done, you have two choices! You can make your pizza right away, just put whatever toppings you like on it and then broil it in the oven until the cheese is melted. OR, you can freeze your crust! My coworker shared this tip with me. She will make a bunch all at once and then she has something tasty, healthy and fun to pull out for a quick dinner. To freeze them, just wrap them in tinfoil, with a slice of parchment paper in between each crust. Store flat!

Here is a picture of the first one I made. note the black edges! I was just fine, although the middle could have cooked longer. 

Is there a recipe that you have ever tried that sounded super strange but ended up being super tasty?