Totally Serendipitous

Starting weight: 286
Current weight: 260.6
Goal weight: 135
Pounds to go: 125.6

Down another two pounds! I hit another 5 pound mark yesterday, but not just any 5 pound mark... I hit the 25 pound mark! Hard to believe. I feel like I've been doing WW for a long time and also no time at all, but it's also hard to believe that it's already September and that fall is almost here. What I didn't know about the 25 pound mark is that you get a little charm! 

I am looking forward to a lot more of these little guys in the future... especially a 100 pound one! And of course, my mind was already racing about what I could do with it... necklace, bracelet, shadow box... or keychain! I think when you hit your 10% or 20% goal you get a keychain that is designed to hold the charms, and I will be hitting my 10% goal next week if I have a really good next 7 days. And so far they are shaping up quite well!

Mostly, today's post is very little about WW. It's about confidence. 
There is a choir here in Salem called Festival Chorale Oregon, and it is directed and led by my college choir director, Dr. Solveig Holmquist. She is far and away the best director I've ever worked with, and one of the most amazing women I have ever known. I have wavered on joining for the last year, and despite my best intentions last September, I just wasn't in a place with the availability to join. But September has come again, and their first rehearsal was yesterday. I had been thinking about it and seriously was planning on attending a rehearsal, but then my mind started to get the better of me. I've been honest about my nervousness and apprehension in certain social situations (or any situation...) here, and I was definitely wrestling with that. I looked up the website like 16,000 times; double, triple and quadruple checking all the info over and over. I stopped short of looking up a campus map for the school they practice in. It would have been so easy to just not go. So I set myself a safety mechanism. I texted an old friend who I thought was still in the group to make sure I would know at least one person. "There," I thought, "someone is counting on me to be there, I have to be."
But then it started spiraling more and more into absurdity. "You haven't seen these people in over a year, they're probably going to look at you like a stranger." "Everyone is wondering how on earth you think you belong here." "You can't sing like that anymore, it's been too long."

Yeah, I know. My brain is dumb.

In reality, I was met with warm hugs from my TWO friends in the group. Everyone I met was super friendly and inviting, and aside from a few of the really high notes, I CAN still sing like that. But it didn't stop my brain from thinking about it. As I headed to my WW meeting that evening, I had moved from "seriously joining this time!" to "firmly on the fence." But thankfully, God had something planned for me that was bigger than my brain. 
Upon arriving, who should I meet coming in the line to weigh-in but Dr. Holmquist herself! We hugged, we talked, I told her how funny it was to see her on today of all days since I was thinking about coming to FCO that night and singing with her again. Seeing her, hearing her enthusiasm for my joining, and telling her that I would be there was enough to put all my fears to rest. The voices were silenced immediately and replaced with butterflies of excitement.

Suffice it to say, I went to rehearsal last night. I paid my dues, I borrowed a score from Dr. Holmquist, and I am now a Festival Chorale-er! Can't back out now. And I wouldn't dream of it either! The music is challenging and it's different from anything else I've done in the last 3 years. It's refreshing and it's fun. Plus, Solveig and I are going to be WW buddies now!

And to think, I almost missed out on all of that because I was going to let the stupid voices in my head talk me out of something amazing just because it was unknown. I could have easily done that with weight loss, but I didn't. I feel like I'm being taught over and over the value and the reward of things that I feel are risky. But what do they risk? Not my life, and certainly not the love of my friends or family. Nope, all that is at stake is my own ego. It's all at once humbling and exciting to share weight loss with people, especially the "big win" moments like 5 pound stars and 25 pound charms. Humbling because it takes a lot of willpower to talk about something that has been such a big hurdle and roadblock to me for so long, but exciting because it is such a big accomplishment for me. I have a feeling that dealing with this over-protected ego of mine will be something I'll have to battle for a long time. But just like singing, practice makes permanent, and I plan on making a permanent habit of making bold choices :-)

Oh! And let me know if you want to come to a concert. Because, seriously, it's going to be good ;-)